


fedora/ballgown/you

by CongressIsAliens



Series: The World Is Shit, Let’s Write Fic [1]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: (but not really on purpose), Closeted Character, Established Relationship, Gender Dysphoria, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), M/M, Stealth Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Perry the Platypus, Transphobia, WOOOOOOW, both literal and metaphorical in this fic, i just realized closeted character is, transphobic comments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23179732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CongressIsAliens/pseuds/CongressIsAliens
Summary: The first time Dr. Doofenshmirtz brought out the Ballgown-inator, Perry desperately avoided getting hit, for reasons he'd rather not discuss.The second time, he's not so lucky.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Series: The World Is Shit, Let’s Write Fic [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668385
Comments: 32
Kudos: 341
Collections: Fic Journal of the Plague Year





	fedora/ballgown/you

**Author's Note:**

> Perry's family relationship: He and Lawrence are half-brothers, but were raised separately, as Perry was the product of an affair. Perry's parents kicked him out when he was fourteen and Lawrence's parents took him in. Lawrence considers Perry a brother to him, and the kids call him Uncle Perry. 
> 
> Also Perry and Doofenshmirtz are dating (but they haven't been dating for very long, like a week or so at the most).

Heinz Doofenshmirtz paces around his penthouse at three AM, racking his mind for a new scheme. Something needs to be done, or else O.W.C.A will send Perry out anyway, and he can't screw up again this week. 

His eyes came to rest on an old Inator sitting on a lab bench, half buried beneath random parts. Unearthing the small device, Heinz turns it over in his hands. _What is it?_

A scrap of yellow fabric peeking out of the end jogs his memory. "Ooh, the old Ballgown-inator. Waaait, haven't I already done this?" He pauses. "Eh, it'll make a good trap."

Now onto the other issue. What Inator is he going to make today?

* * *

Perry Fletcher wakes up before the alarm goes off. 

Well, before his alarm clock at least. His watch alarm is what wakes him up.

The display is blazoned with the standard message. _Agent P to Base immediately._

Perry groans (quietly, it _is_ four AM and not even the boys are up)and rubs the sleep from his eyes. Doesn't Doofenshmirtz know the concept of sleeping in? He sighs and gets out of bed. 

O.W.C.A. doesn't really have a uniform, except for the hat. The hat is required. Some agents don't even bother, coming in wearing pajamas and t-shirts and the hat.

Perry cares a bit more, even this early in the morning. He has a _look_. (Also, Doofenshmirtz has a hard time recognizing him without it.) Brown slacks, black socks, skin-tone binder, teal button-down, yellow tie, dark teal waistcoat, watch, brown belt and shoes. 

Oh, and the hat. Can't forget the classic black-band fedora. 

He slips from his attic bedroom to the hall below. He slips into the bathroom, then squeezes himself into the cabinet under the sink as he taps the code into the pipe. 

The floor opens beneath his butt and he slides down the chute. The chair landing is perfect until a roll of toilet paper from the cabinet hits him on top of the head. 

Major Monogram is as bleary-eyed as Perry is. "Good morning, Agent P." He yawns. "Doctor Doofenshmirtz has pulled an all-nighter three nights in a row this week, and we need you to find out what's going on and put a stop to it."

Perry snaps a salute. 

"Oh, and Agent P, the paperwork for your medical leave is done. There's a few papers on your desk that need to go to Doofenshmirtz. Mostly informational. Now get to thwarting!"

Perry salutes again, then grabs the papers and hops into his hovercar. It's too early for a jetpack. There are a lot of laws that he'll bend or break when duty calls, but unnecessary noise ordinance violations? That's just rude, and Perry doesn't do rude. 

He even uses his key to unlock Doctor Doofenshmirtz's door, instead of busting in the wall. See? Not rude. 

"Ah, Perry the Platypus. How unsurprising! And by unsurprising, I mean completely surprising. You see, I thought you would sleep in a little later this morning. Oh well. Enjoy your trap!"

He pulls out a ray gun of some sort and shoots Perry with it. For a second, Perry glows a luminescent green, then... 

The gown is beautiful. Layers of silk and sequins, chiffon that practically floats. The glittering gold fabric hugs his curves in a way that would make most women jealous. 

Perry is not most women. If he had his choice, he'd never come close. 

He had fought dirty last time to escape being hit by this -inator, on a few suspicions and fears. It turns out they were true. This -Inator has completely vanished all of his clothes -everything except the hat, oddly enough- and replaced them with the gown. 

Including his binder. 

Heinz has never seen him like this. He's never told his nemesis (boyfriend? boyfremesis?) that he's trans. 

This dress isn't exactly doing anything to hide it, either. It's really making it worse. 

"Oh, Perry the Platypus, you cut _such_ a lovely lady. You know, gold really suits you. Goes well with your hair." He pauses. Looks to Perry's chest. "Didn't notice that before. Must be a side effect."

Heinz never has been the most observant knife in the drawer, but is he really this obtuse?

"Waaait. That didn't happen to _me_ when this backfired the first time..." he trails off. 

Maybe he's smarter than Perry gives him credit fo-

"Must be natural. Saaay, maybe I should call you Perrine instead of Perry. What do you say to that, hmmm?"

That name. Perry hasn't heard that name in _years_. His hands clench at his sides, and he tries to take a step forwards. 

The five inch heels he's now in disagree, and he pitches forwards. The leave papers scatter all over the floor in front of him. As he scrambles to pick everything up, Doofenshmirtz turns around.

"As you can see, now that you're trapped, I can reveal the Inator. Oh, you fell down. Do you want me to help you up, pretty princess Perrine?" Doofenshmirtz pauses as if to consider something. "My, that name suits you."

The words are sweet, but the _meaning_ , the condescending _manner_ , is more bitter than the sourest lemon. Perry struggles to his feet, kicking off the annoying heels. 

"Yes, it suits you quite well. In fact, I like Perrine much better than Perry." Perry's heart rate shoots up. "You're such a pretty girl, Perrine. Why don't you dress like it more often?" 

A guttural scream rips from Perry as he punches Doofenshmirtz in the face, as hard as he possibly can.

Heinz belatedly holds an arm up to block future blows, but none come. He watches, pain still sparking in his jaw, as Perry dashes down the hall. 

Perry's knuckles are stinging, his dress threatens to trip him up at every turn, and he's stepped on several screws with his bare feet, but he can't stop running. 

He can't go outside like this. But he can hide, and there's a broom closet just around the corner. He pulls a small blade from under his hat's brim and slices off a large portion of the skirt, throwing it out the window. 

The closet locks from the inside. Perry locks it, then reaches up and pulls the chain on the ceiling, which illuminates a bare bulb. 

He slumps against the door, heart still racing, still breathing too fast. It's a good thing there's a bucket in here, Perry feels like he's about to vomit.

Heinz stares at the spot where Perry was. What was that? Clearly, Perry is upset...was it the whole Perrine thing? Because he was just joking, he didn't mean for it to go so far. 

He needs to go talk to him. The Ping-Pong-Inator (it's special, it has _two_ hyphens) can wait. 

Where did he run off to, anyway? Heinz runs through every room in his penthouse, calling out Perry's name. 

Perry, not Perrine. That was a joke, and clearly Perry didn't take it well. 

He turns the corner and listens for Perry. There, some muffled crying. That's got to be him.

Another corner, and there's some scraps of the ballgown. At least, the skirt part of it. By the look of the jagged edges and random beads on the floor it's been ripped off. 

Perry must be nearby. Heinz attempts to open the door of the broom closet. 

There's a muffled gasp, then harried shuffling and the sound of something falling off a shelf. 

"Perry- are you alright in there?"

No response. 

"Perry?"

No response. 

Oh wait. Yeah, Heinz is a royal idiot- Perry's mute!

"Hold on, I'll get you pen and paper."

Heinz darts down the hall, grabbing a notepad half-full of -Inator doodles and a pen, then darts back. 

"Here, I think there's a light in there," he says, shoving the notepad and pen under the door. "At least, if it hasn't burnt out. Are there lightbulbs in that closet? I forget."

He sits down, back against the door. With every second that Heinz thinks, the whole situation gets worse. 

"Perry?" he asks, his voice considerably softer. He doesn't know what response he's expecting, but none comes. 

He starts talking anyway. 

"Perry, I-- I'm sorry. I just-- I-- I'm sorry. I thought it would be a good joke, but...obviously not."

Heinz waits for the paper to come back from under the door, fidgeting with the Ballgown-inator. It's such a simple little device, very portable. Yet it's the one Inator that's made Perry the maddest. 

The bruises from that first fight lasted longer than any others. Perry fought dirty to keep himself out of that ray. 

Well, he probably has some sort of trauma related to ballgowns. Heinz knows that _he'd_ certainly have a breakdown if he were unexpectedly forced to wear-

He's fucked up big time, hasn't he. Likely forced him to relive something awful, then taunted him about it. 

Forget all his evil schemes, this is the worst thing he's ever done. 

The paper slides out from under the door. It's got damp spots (from tears, presumably, _god_ he's an Arsch mit Ohren) on it, some of them blurring words. 

_Heinz,_

_I'm trans._

Oh. 

That...explains quite a bit.

_I probably should have told you a while ago, but you never asked, so I never told. I've been passing for so long, I frankly thought I had already told you._

_The last few things you said, all the "Perrine" stuff, well, those are things my "parents" (it's complicated) said to me when I came out. Perrine is my birth name. I haven't heard it in years._

Heinz _gets_ bad parents. He's got his fair share of awful experiences- and if someone he trusted said things like that to him? Forced him to relive his own worst nightmares? He's surprised Perry hadn't beaten him up further. 

_I mean, those guys were awful. And to hear the exact words, words that are in my nightmares, from someone I trust...it's even worse._

_I know you didn't know that would hurt me. You had no idea. That still doesn't change the fact that you kept taunting me and I basically had to punch you to shut you up. You're gonna have to find a way to fix this, mostly because I'm not leaving this closet until I've got my binder back._

_I don't suppose you've got a reverse-inator around?_

_-Perry_

A reverse-inator. Good one. Like that exists. 

Although, he does have a lot of blueprints in a big box in the basement...

He should probably ask Perry if he needs anything. Panic attacks take a lot out of a person. 

"Perry, do you need anything? Glass of water, perhaps? I have a few boxes of old blueprints in the basement that I haven't bothered to sort, there's probably something in there that will get you back to normal."

The response comes under the door in a flash. 

_Water would b great. Also a hoodie would b nice._

He swings by the kitchen on the way down to the basement. A random hoodie of his, from who knows where (it's green), and a glass of water. 

"Perry, I'm leaving the hoodie and some water outside the closet for you while I look in the old boxes of blueprints."

Perry pulls the hoodie and water inside the closet. Perry pulls the hoodie on (Danville Meatloaf Festival 2009, in a horribly putrid shade of green) and takes small sips of the water. 

Heinz took the news well, or at least he thinks he did. He didn't drag Perry out of the closet and demand he leave. He didn't break up with him.

But he didn't really acknowledge it either. 

So Perry really has no idea what to think. 

The closet is cramped, and kind of dusty. There's almost no room to sit, with a large shelf taking up most of the space. There's a couple dozen half sized mops laying on one shelf, and a half-empty jar of pickles on another. 

Footsteps thump down the hall and Perry listens.

"Perry? Still in there?"

Perry knocks an affirmative on the door.

"Okay. Well, I found some old plans for a Reverse-Inator that I was _going_ to make in college, but I forgot about it. Good thing I still have it, huh? Okay, I'm going to go build it now. See you soon."

The footsteps move away from the door, and soon, a sound of clanking can be heard. The sound of invention. 

Perry doesn't think he'll break up with Heinz. The man seems truly sorry for what he's done, given that he dragged the plans for an old -Inator out of storage and is spending all this time to make it right. 

In fact, that's part of why he fell in love with him. Sure, he makes mistakes, and yes, sometimes those mistakes are much bigger than the average. But he'll try and try to fix them, try to make things right. 

Honestly, he's not even that evil. If he was evil, he wouldn't care about anyone else or their feelings. And Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz is one of the most caring people Perry knows. 

The clanking stops. There are some blasting noises, a few faint curses, then more clanking. 

The cycle repeats for what Perry estimates to be another hour. By this point, it's probably five thirty in the morning. 

Man, after he leaves his day is gonna be fucked. 

There's an explosion noise, then footsteps running down the hall. 

"It's done. Sorry about the wait, had to test it and all. Wouldn't want it backfiring."

Perry stands up on shaking legs, unlocks the door, and peeks outside. 

Heinz is holding something garbled together, with a single button on it. 

"Behold, the Reverse-Inator!"

Perry smiles, just a bit. 

'Hit me,' he signs. 

The ray is a bright orange. When the light spots clear from his eyes, Perry looks down. 

He looks just like he did before the ballgown, tie, binder and all. 

He leans forwards and hugs Doofenshmirtz tightly, a single tear leaking out of his eye. 

"I didn't think you'd want to thwart me after all this so I went and blew up the Ping-Pong-Inator." Perry smiles. "Say, do you want to stay here and watch a movie together before you go? I don't want you driving a hovercar in your state."

'Sounds good,' Perry signs. 

Perry falls asleep within the first few minutes of Moana, curled into Heinz's side. Occasionally, an anxious churr slips out of Perry's mouth, his muscles stiffening, but Heinz holds him close and runs a hand gently through his teal hair, and it's alright. 

There will be long conversations in their near future, there will be uncertainty and questioning and explanations. 

They will get through it. They are Agent P and Doctor Doofenshmirtz. They are Perry and Heinz. Nothing can pull them apart.

**Author's Note:**

> my spellchecker after seeing this: well fuck you too
> 
> [Fic Journal of the Plague Year: I'm stuck social distancing at home with my family that's going to deadname me for the next 2-3 months... so I wrote this to cope with all that. Yay.]


End file.
